"Narcissism"

Click to See Chart of Spectrum and Traits

Click here to read (PDF) the most succinct assessment of the MALIGNANT and Grandiose Narcissist Personality Disorder Sufferers that I have seen so far.

I observe the following to be true of MOST Narcissists on the Malignant end of the spectrum.

1) Mean-Spirited

When my 'other' argues / in conflict is demeaning and just-plain-mean. Uses my weaknesses sharply against me.

2) Vengeful

May punish you for your reaction to their bad behavior. For example: He cheats. You push back. The divorce-aftermath is ALL YOUR FAULT not theirs.

3) Selfish

Selfishness increases across the spectrum from Benign, through Grandiose into Malignant and hits 100% Selfish at the top of the Malignant-Narcissist Scale. Even a Benign/Healthy Narcissist is surprisingly self-indulgent and self-focused. Malignant Narcissists are typified by being Selfish at Other People's Expense.

4) Facade That Covers a Person Hinderingly Self-Conscious

All About Appearances and easily embarrassed. For example, "Looking Bad" to the neighbors or changing your order at the Drive Through is embarrassing. The kids, you, the house, the car: ALL reflect on him. They get angry when they're embarrassed but it's never their fault. For Grandiose Narcissists, it's a "Grand Facade" and all that that implies.

5) Childish

Acts 'infantile' sometimes. May even get upset that you treat your children better than you treat them. Will say something about it, even. STUNNINGLY childish.

6) Fancy Things Define Them

Materialistic: Most Grandiose and Malignant Narcissists are materialistic and in the areas ESPECIALLY of cars and clothes. "Nothing but the best" even if it's from a Bargain Bin or an old Jaguar (it's all about the hood ornament)

7) Dramatic 150%

All categories of Narcissist are 150% on their feelings whether that's LOVE, ELATION, DISAPPOINTMENT and ANGER. Everything is exaggerated. For better AND worse.

8) Angry

Narcissists from Benign, to Grandiose up through Malignant are easily angered and the Malignant ones make it your problem. Even if the problem is their own making, you have to participate in their drama. When they're sad they manifest anger. When they hurt YOUR feelings they feel some shame, and manifest it as anger. If their child is injured or something terrible happens they manifest anger and it's all YOUR fault. A Malignant Narcissist may even be angry that you (or a family-member) has had the audicity to grow old. Or get sick.

9) Words the average Narcissist will never say* voluntarily:

1. I'm sorry.
2. I was wrong.
3. I Wish I Was As Good As You.
4. You Do That Very Well.
5. That's My Fault.
6. I Wish I hadn't Done That.
7. "That Was Me"
8. "My Bad, I own That."

Summary: It's NEVER Their Fault.

*Exception: When a Narcissist has 'ruined it' and you're finally leaving, they'll activate "Empathy Mode' and be devastatingly apologetic and "It will NEVER happen again" because for the Narcissist, abandonment and disapproval are unacceptable and must be avoided at literally ANY cost. Even begging.

10) Lovebombing / Charisma

Charisma: They have learned to manipulate their environment as a survival mechanism when they were children so it's well-practiced and they become impossibly-relatable and can win friends and impress people with precision and cunning. They may even feel sincere in their absorbtion of others. However, when discussing others, they will refer to the acquaintence' 'purpose' value to them, or abilities.

Lovebombing can be a sincere form of 'crush or love' for normal people. But 'lovebombing' for a Narcissist is another form of manipulation and currying favor. How can you tell? By noticing other behaviors. If you see the Narcissist "using" other people, chances are they're "using" you as well. A Narcissist with respect and empathy for those around him or her could just be in love and you MAY be participating in their 150% "over the top" emotional outpouring.

11) The Need to Belittle

Narcissists are almost always critical and demeaning to waitstaff or retail clerks. In a 'server', the Narcissist has a ready-target for their disdain, superiority and need to belittle.

In Summary:

Malignant Narcissists are the third category on the Narcissist-Spectrum. The hallmark of the Malignant Narcissist is "It's All About Me." (Self-Centered) Overtly *AND* Covertly.

Depending on their position on the Benign-Grandiose-Malignant Spectrum, Narcissists are: Charismatic, Selfish, Grandiose, Materialistic, Mean-Spirited-in-Conflict, Inconsiderate, Dramatic and Cripplingly Self-Conscious.

ALL CATEGORIES of Narcissist:

1. 150% Emotionally Sweeping and Dramatic
2. Self-Indulgent / Spoiling
3. Extreme Difficulty Admitting "Fault"
4. Decide That Love Has Been Withdrawn In Arguments
5. Sharp-And-Or-Silver-Tongued
6. Consciously *and* Sub-consciously Hyper-Critical of Self
7. Secret-Inferiority-Complex
8. Highly Self-Conscious
9. "On-and-Off Switch" Of Emotion.

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